There's this huge anchor that's been weighing me down. I've been trying so hard for the past few years to not let it control me. I battle with this from time to time. I'm always haunted by the past. So many things I wish I could've said, done, or change differently. I missed so many opportunities and left with so many regrets. I guess I am suppose to learn something from it... right?
So, what have I learn?? Hmm....
I think too often, I dwell in the past too much. I let it dictate my life. I take the present for granted. Well, I've had enough of this. I cannot change the past. What had happened in the past, I should just leave it at that. That means, not talk about it or bringing it up. I have the power to make the right choices today. I choose not to dwell into my negative emotions. I choose to be positive and stay positive. I choose to speak uplifting words. If it's not that, then I should just be silent. When I think about it, I do have a lot to be thankful for. I'm just going to focus on that and my blessings. So far, it's been working. Everyday I have to remind myself that there are just some things I cannot take control of. I can only control myself. No one is to blame but myself. Some people don't know the problems I've been dealing with and assume that I do not understand them or have my life easy. Wrong. If only they knew. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean that I have no clue. There is no need for me to explain myself if already they do not believe me. I believe that one day, we will all know the truth. Nothing stays hidden for a very long time. That includes good and evil intentions. What goes around will come around. Me, I'm just going to trust God... move on... live the life that God has bless me with. Stop holding onto the bitterness, anger, and resentment. Forgive others and do the best that I can to love. If I say that I love someone but yet I hold a grudge against someone, that is not love. There is so much to look forward to in like and many better things to come. I want to start creating new and wonderful memories. It is not worth it to be so stressed out on unnecessary things... whatever it may be. Of course I know that they are there for a reason but sometimes it is not necessary to the point where it ends up destroying my own life.
I'm going to take this piece of advice I just learned. Maybe that will help. I'm going to write down everything I wanted to say in a piece of paper. Take the moment to dwell into those feelings no more than half an hour just to get it over with. Then, I'm going to rip it all up into tiny little pieces. If I could, I would burn it but it's not safe where I live. Physically tearing up the papers will let my mind be put to rest. "My anchor does not dictate me, make me feel inferior, dictate my actions, and restrict me from living the kind of life I want without my consent." So true.
*Think happy thoughts*
I'm going to go listen to some nice music while I clean my apartment, then watch a movie and drink some hot tea. That is something I really need right now. Tonight, I'm going to take a really nice hot bath and lit up some nice scented candles I have.
I hope you all learned something from me. I guess it's good to through this. Maybe this is just something for me to learn from so that God can use me to reach out so someone. Who knows...
I am thankful for three things:
• Being alive
• My little Family
What are you thankful for???
Thanks for reading my post!!